My Gay Husband

Dear Beard,
Everyone with gaydar has met a married couple, thought the husband was gay, and mused at what?s going on.?I?ve wondered if the wife suspected anything (or was too naive when they got married to know what to suspect), whether the husband was just out of touch with his own nature, or if they both knew but the arrangement worked for them. Thanks for the insight into one case.?Your situation is similar to that of actress Fran Drescher. She, too, married her high-school sweetheart, and after their long marriage ended, he came out. She created a sitcom about all this and said in a recent article about her relationship with her ex, ?Now that he?s living a more authentic life, we are once again the best of friends.? Two people who thoroughly enjoy each other?s company have a great starting point for a marriage, but for most people that wouldn?t also be the ending point. Ideally, marriage is a place of physical and emotional connection that is uniquely intimate.?We are long past time when homosexuality was ?the love that dare not speak its name,? but not daring to speak to your husband about his probable gayness leaves you physically and emotionally vulnerable. Maybe your ?sporadic? sexual connection is enough for both of you. (Although it?s possible that if you were with a partner who was more interested sexually, it would spark a renaissance of your libido.) But if he has come to the same conclusion about himself that you have, and is acting on that knowledge, at the very least you need reassurance he is doing everything possible to protect against STDs. You are both still young, and if your marriage requires silence and denial, then you run the risk of being alone in middle age because your husband finally acknowledges his need to live as a gay man. If you decide to broach this, it does not have to be for the purpose of ending your marriage, but because this is the kind of thing two people in a marriage should be able to speak about.

Source: http://feeds.slate.com/click.phdo?i=61c83e60dce00d7419ecfe4c68dd380c

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